Dating and relationships come with boundaries. Without them it’s a war over territory. As gay men, we sometimes act like dogs, pissing on each other’s fire hydrant. If you have three men in a group, and two of them like the third, it’s a war. There’s no winner in a war, just dominance over the territory, or in this case, dominance over the other person. It’s either going to be good, or its going to be disastrous. I think the main thing to remember is the cost of the clean up after a battle. Is the cost even worth the effort?

As gay men we want equal rights, and we want legalized gay marriage. I am for equal rights, but I sometimes question the right for gay marriage. Before I get hate mail, let me explain. I have never thought that you needed a piece of paper to define your relationship with another person. Personally, I don’t need the state, church, or allow any to decide who I should be with.

Most of the couples in my life have open relationships, or what I call open sexual relations. Most of them share a home, life, and sometimes even children. If it’s unacceptable for a straight couple to have extra marital affairs, why do we as gay men overlook it, and even accept it. I think that our community is still socially unacceptable, and until we have total social acceptance we will still be fighting for equal rights. In everything we do in our lives, we find the things that we want we have to fight for. I sometimes wonder what if we didn’t have to fight for equal rights anymore, what would we want to gain next.

I think gay men do not always live up to their full potentials.  Most of us are very intelligent, and a have a kick ass wardrobe.  We control what people in the world should be wearing, but we have no control of how people should be voting. We have the most control of a multi-billion dollar a year industry. Makes you think. Let’s make Wal-Mart clothing the new Gucci, then let’s see what happens.

Once again, I live my life according to how I feel, and that isn’t always actuality, but my reality. I would like my Gayly readers, to think of one issue in the world or even in their own lives and think, “What if?   What if it were this way, and what can I do to make it better?”

Single yourself out.  If you aim at nothing, you’re guaranteed to always hit it.

I have been away for a few months. I think it is important in everyone’s life to take a break sometimes and reevaluate life.

I’m writing about courage after a loss. A loss can mean many different things to many different people. Loss of your keys, loss of your favorite jeans, loss of a boyfriend, loss of a  pet, and even loss of a loved one. These are just examples of different levels of loss.

In the press and in our own community we have lost a great deal of loved ones and friends. Those that know me know that I have a screen saver of Danae Daniels. To me it is how I grieve his death. I say, “She is not dead, just on vacation, and I have the picture to prove it.” This made me start thinking about how we grieve different things and different people.

Then that took my thinking to a whole new place. I know when I have heard about someone recently dying, it affected me differently than someone having an emotional attachment, compared to my attachment. So when we hear about the death of a celebrity compared to the death of someone in our community, we act so shocked and sometimes feel great sympathy for the celebrity’s families. Even over someone we have never met. I think we grieve more over the idea rather than the reality that someone is grieving.

Being a single man I think I grieve less than what I used to. I am not sure if this is because my heart has gotten cold, the fact that I am older, or the fact I have become very selfish. My family knows that I do not do funerals or dead people. I think we get to a point where we feel we have lost so much that another loss is too much to bear. I have singled myself out in so many different ways, that I tend to think of a loss as completion. I can honestly say of all the things that I have lost; my grandmother has been the most memorable and painful.

Does this mean we grieve differently based on attachment? I made a big step in my life last month. I normally would not go to any place my ex is working or hanging out. I know that when I see him, it just brings up all the hurt and disappointment.  But what is so odd is that I can look at pictures and laugh, but when faced with the reality of seeing him, all the hurt and sadness comes back. This particular night I felt really confident that I could face him and be okay. Once inside the bar, I had a friend go to the bar and get my drink. Even though I was somewhat comfortable, I still didn’t want to push my limits or my feelings.

This leads me to the opening paragraph regarding courage after a loss. Sometimes singling out your emotions, takes just as much courage as singling out your disappointments. For those who are suffering and feel loss, my heart goes out to you. The basic fact is that we love, and sometimes we lose things. How we chose to grieve out loss will determine how strong we are. Let us all remember not to single ourselves out from loved ones. Remember the good times; and remember when singling yourself out, make sure you do it with the best intentions.