If we’re making changes in life, we experience stress. That’s part of the process. In fact it’s a turning point. Once we meet stress, we charge ahead or retreat. We pass through the “danger zone” as the champion or we fall back.

The beauty of stress is that it signals that change is at hand. The poison of stress is that it signals that change is at hand. So often we take a stress signal as a red alert and run. But that’s because we don’t know the process. We also mistake the stress and pain of change as dangers.

One would think that as much as we live in stress, we would know stress. We should recognize its smell from 100 paces; know its favorite carrion, whine and swan song. But alas that’s not so.

It’s like we met at the Halloween Ball, and we didn’t want to remove the mask for fear of what’s underneath. While truth or facts are still hidden, we can pretend the status quo is pretty, even when it’s killing us.

We’ve all met a dream date whose appeal was gone with the wind at the moment he or she opened their mouth. Maybe the same fear of what might come next keeps us from knowing enough about stress to sink its battleship. But a little insight is the key to winning the upper hand.

If you dare to look, here’s a peek at stress: When stress is not describing a state of mind or emotions, it describes tension, pressure, force or emphasis on materials as metals, plastics, geological formations, music and speech. It measures how much push or pull can be placed on an object. It’s commonly used in dialogue about the elastic nature of this or that. And stress can relate to durability, impact, and sustainability –breaking, shattering and exploding. That’s beginning to sound like some friends’ behavior. That’s my point.

The mind and emotions have both fixed or hardwired parts and an ability to be flexible or reinventing.

The drama of stress is the play between what we expect or desire and reality as we see it. It’s the struggle of personal habits and new choices. It can be the war between our patience and the time it takes to grow a new habit while old habits fall away. And it can be others’ actions or beliefs coming to battle our willingness to understand. These are growth processes that take time as they redevelop a brain cell (habit/new way of meeting).

Of course there’s more. But you know that.

So making choices about ‘Coming Out’ and processing through stress is largely weathering the zone between old reality and new reality. Coming Out can be stressful, but that will pass.

I consider a temporary condition a better option compared to a chronic malaise.

Remember, there are supports, education and planning that soften or eliminate stress. So I suggest, push ahead, wisely and in the right time and manner. Even if the danger zone is not a mirage, it’s only temporary.

Editor’s Note: Steven Michael Hall facilitates the Coming Out Workshop with Shelley McGoffin each Tuesday at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center in Tulsa. Contact Oklahomans for Equality at 918 743 4297 for details about the program or visit www.okeq.org.

“A Friend For A Friend” was created in 1991 by Alice Wilder-Bates. Beginning with dog walking, litter changing and providing pet food for people who were living with HIV/AIDS, the organization was inspired by the loss of David Wilder to AIDS. Alice Wilder-Bates is the mother of David, and decided to turn her son’s death into something meaningful. Today the program has grown to close to 100 clients, and helps with everything from picking up the tab on necessary vet bills and dog grooming to whatever may be needed to help someone in need.

“This is her tribute to her son,” said Toby Jenkins of Tulsa’s OkEq. “She has run this organization for years now, even long after his death.”
The mission of “A Friend for a Friend” is to help provide services such as vet care, grooming and food to those that are living with HIV/AIDS who otherwise couldn’t afford to maintain reasonable care of their four legged friends who bring so much comfort in such a time of need.

For information or to contact them for help, call (918) 747-6827 or visit their Facebook page at www.facebook.com/AF4AF.

Vendetti (c) with Mary Scribner (l) and Charlotte Stith (r) at Club 209 in Tulsa. Vendetti performed at the Arts Bar in the Brady District last month.) Photo by Robin Dorner.

By Robin Dorner
Editor in Chief

Last month, Tulsa’s “Arts Bar,” Club 209 hosted the outrageous, brassy comedienne Cheril Vendetti for a special one-night show. Recently having moved to the Tulsa area, Vendetti is a seasoned comedienne who has appeared in comedy clubs from LA to New York.

“I love Tulsa! You gotta go to Quick Trip at least ten times a day, right? Then ya’ gotta go over to Wal Mart on Admiral, right? To get your meds.”
The crowd roared with laughter, because we’ve all been there, right?

Vendetti’s brassy voice, big hair and classic Italian look (she has olive skin – I did not say she had a big nose!) will bring Oklahomans in at least for a look-see. One inside, the quick-witted songstress/comedienne will win you over with jokes and uproarious comedy.

This state is lucky to have this quick-witted, hysterical, progressive entertainer move in – let’s not let the likes of Sally Kern run her off!

Club 209 is a martini and coffee lounge located within the Brady Arts District in Tulsa. This arts bar strives to provide a venue for promoting local artists in a relaxed, non-smoking, diverse atmosphere. Hours are 7pm till 2am, Thu – Sun. Call (918) 584-9944 for info.

The AIDS Mastery Workshop is coming to the Dennis R Neill Equality Center in Tulsa on March 24th and 25th, 2012. This workshop is sponsored by the Northern Lights Alternatives (NLA), Oklahoma City and is funded by grants, fundraisers and individual donations. There is no cost to participants. All meals are provided for the weekend. While there is no cost to participants, donations are gladly accepted.

For those who are infected or affected by HIV/AIDS, this Workshop offers the opportunity to find ways of living well, of opening up new possibilities, or rediscovering them. By exploring experiences, hopes, and dreams, the Workshop offers a way to live differently, empowering you to make positive choices about how to live life with HIV rather than being controlled by it. The result will be the opportunity to live a more powerful life, make better choices and decisions, and become part of a support group like no other.

“Testing positive for HIV can have a devastating effect on a person’s life,” says Pat Hernandez, co-Facilitator of the upcoming Tulsa Workshop. “Even though the urgency around HIV/AIDS has changed because of medications now available, there’s definitely a need for support and compassion for people who have just learned that they or their loved ones are HIV positive.”

The Workshop offers a unique opportunity to not let circumstances dictate the quality of life you will live. Through conversation, guided meditations, education, and visualization exercises, participants will explore the impact HIV has on life and discover ways to reclaim it. This workshop has been life changing for so many people.

There will also be a special AIDS Service Organization for professionals to attend held on March 22-23rd, the Thursday and Friday, just prior to this regular AIDS Mastery Workshop. It will also be held at the Dennis R Neill Equality Center. Applications for either Workshop may be found on our website at www.AIDSMasteryOKC.org. For more information please call us toll-free at 1-866-304-1481.

The first AIDS Mastery Workshop was in January 1986, in New York, at the Actors Institute. The workshop was created by Sally Fisher in response to her friends in the creative arts being affected early on by HIV and because nothing was yet available that spoke of personal empowerment. Since this time, the Mastery has continued nationally and internationally. Since its introduction here in Oklahoma in 1988, there have been over 75 AIDS Mastery Workshops held locally, with over 1,000 graduates.

For additional information, contact Diana Blocherer, NLA President, at 405-838-0666, or Chuck Longacre, NLA Vice President, at 405-426-0000.

The 11th annual Wild Hearts Ball, hosted by Oklahomans for Equality (OkEq), will recognize and honor same-sex couples who have married in other countries and U.S. states where marriage between people of the same gender is legal. The guests of honor will be the plaintiffs in the Oklahoma Marriage Equality Lawsuit and their attorneys.

The ball will be Saturday, February 11, from 7-9pm at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center, 621 E. 4thSt, in Tulsa. Merritt’s Bakery of Tulsa will sponsor the event with two wedding cakes, one for female couples and the other for male couples. If you and your spouse have had a formal commitment ceremony or were legally married in some other jurisdiction, please join us and allow us to toast your happiness.

The Wild Hearts Ball is not only for couples; it could be the best place to meet your future mate. Just ask Jeff and Tim Smith-Ream, who met at a Wild Hearts Ball four years ago and were legally married in Massachusetts in 2009. OkEq will offer speed dating and high-energy dance music with DJ Noieze at the ball so you can mix and mingle. Area wedding vendors will be present and available to talk to couples planning their special date.

Grab your favorite adult beverage at our cash bar. Pick up a nice Valentine gift for your sweetie at the raffle. Get your party pictures with Steven Michael Hall Photography.

The Wild Hearts Ball was originally the primary fundraiser for the purchase of the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center.  But this year OkEq is waiving an admission price and asking that all attendees make a donation to the OkEq Marriage Equality Fund.

“Our special guests of honor will be the plaintiffs in the Oklahoma Marriage Equality Lawsuit and their attorneys,” said Toby Jenkins, executive director of Oklahomans for Equality. “We want to honor the two couples in Oklahoma and their attorneys who are doing more for marriage equality than any other individuals. Against all odds they have persevered and possibly will be responsible for marriage equality in Oklahoma. Your financial gift at the Wild Hearts Ball will help them with costs associated with expensive appeals and travel expenses to the 10th Circuit in Denver, Colorado, and on to the Supreme Court in Washington, D.C.”

For information about the Wild Hearts Ball, visit the OkEq website at www.okeq.org or call (918) 743-4297.

Here’s where the Bishop/Baldwin case stands now:

Don Holladay and James Warner III, attorneys for plaintiffs Mary Bishop & Sharon Baldwin of Broken Arrow and Sue Barton & Gay Phillips of Tulsa, filed a motion for summary judgment on Sept. 28th. Responses have been filed by the defendants – the federal government and the Tulsa County court  clerk – and the plaintiffs have filed further responses. The scheduling order in the case indicates that a bench trial will be held in U.S. District Court in Tulsa in May, but the plaintiffs’ attorneys say the judge might issue a ruling based on the filings and not require a trial.

In the motion for summary judgment – which asks the court simply to rule in the plaintiffs’ favor because no facts are at issue – Holladay and Warner ask not that the judge find that the U.S. Constitution guarantees the right to same-sex marriage but rather that the Constitution guarantees the fundamental right to marry the person of one’s choice. Citing precedent, they note that the U.S. Supreme Court has repeatedly said the right to marry is a fundamental right.

They argue that because of the state constitutional amendment approved by voters in November 2004, Bishop and Baldwin, who are not legally married, are being denied that fundamental right and are being discriminated against on the basis of their gender and sexual orientation in violation of the Fourteenth Amendment’s due process and equal protection clauses.

In addition to denying same-gender couples the right to marry, the Oklahoma constitutional amendment prohibits the state from recognizing the marriages of same-gender couples that were granted out of state.

Barton and Phillips, who are legally married in California, are challenging that aspect of the Oklahoma law. In addition, they are challenging Section 2 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which allows states not to recognize the out-of-state marriages of same-gender couples, and Section 3 of DOMA, which limits marriage for federal purposes to opposite-gender couples.

In the motion for summary judgment, the attorneys note that several other federal jurisdictions and the Obama administration have already concluded that DOMA Section 3 violates the core constitutional principles of equal protection.

Because the right to marry the person of one’s choice is a fundamental right, Holladay argues that the Oklahoma constitutional amendment and DOMA must be reviewed under the “strict scrutiny” standard, which means a law “must be precisely tailored to further a compelling governmental interest.” Citing the legislative history of DOMA and numerous media reports quoting law makers and others who supported the Oklahoma amendment before its passage, Holladay makes the case that the laws were passed only because of moral prejudice and religious beliefs — which the Supreme Court has said cannot be the basis for any law.

The lawsuit was filed on Nov. 3, 2004 – the day after the election in which voters approved the Oklahoma constitutional amendment. It lingered in the courts for years until Holladay, a partner in the Holladay & Chilton law firm in Oklahoma City, volunteered to take the case two years ago. Holladay’s wife is Kay Holladay, founder of Norman’s PFLAG chapter.

(Tulsa, OK) On Friday, March 16th, the NOH8 Campaign brings its photographic silent protest against discrimination to Tulsa. Tulsa Pride and Oklahomans for Equality will host the photo shoot at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center in Tulsa.

Initially created by NOH8 Co-Founders Jeff Parshley and Adam Bouska as a two-person protest symbolizing the voices silenced by the passage of California’s Proposition 8, the NOH8 Campaign has since grown into a photographic campaign promoting anti-discrimination and marriage equality around the world. To date, nearly 20,000 men, women and children supporting equality have been photographed by Bouska.

“We’re extremely excited to finally bring the NOH8 Campaign to Oklahoma”, said Parshley. “The NOH8 Campaign’s initial focus was a result of the passage of Prop 8, but has since become a rallying call to raise the consciousness of all about the pervasive discrimination, bullying, and inequality that exists from our children’s classrooms to our nation’s courtrooms. The large LGBT community in Oklahoma has been a strong supporter of the NOH8 Campaign and has long asked us to come to Tulsa. We are extremely grateful to Tulsa Pride and Oklahomans for Equality for donating the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center for our NOH8 photo shoot.”

The NOH8 Campaign’s Tulsa photo shoot is scheduled to begin on March 16th at 5pm and end at 8pm at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center located 621 E 4th St, Tulsa, OK 74120. Parking is available free of charge on the surface streets surrounding the center. NOH8 photos are $40.00 for a solo portrait, and $25.00 per person for couple or group portraits. Interested volunteers should contact the NOH8 Campaign via e-mail at info@NOH8Campaign.com. Additional details can be found at www.NoH8Campaign.com and on Facebook and Twitter. RSVP to the photo shoot on Facebook.

The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with “NOH8” painted on one cheek in protest.

Three years since its inception, the NOH8 Campaign has grown to over 19,000 faces and continues to grow at an exponential rate. The campaign began with portraits of everyday Californians from all walks of life and soon rose to include politicians, military personnel, newlyweds, law enforcement, artists, celebrities, and many more.

The NOH8 Campaign has received overwhelming support from around the world, and has appeared in various local and national news programs and publications. The images are widely used on various social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter to spread the message of equality. Eventually the images will be compiled for a large-scale media campaign.

The NOH8 Campaign is a charitable organization registered with the IRS as a 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Corporation.  Funds raised by the NOH8 Campaign are used to promote and raise awareness for Marriage Equality and anti-discrimination on a global level through an educational and interactive media campaign.

Tulsa Pride is celebrating its 30^th year in 2012 and the Tulsa Pride committee is presenting our community with a new logo that will last through the ages and represent our city and our pride. The committee received great feedback from the LGBT community about what images came to mind when we think about pride and Tulsa.
The committee studied many pride logos of other cities around the world and we liked the simplicity we were seeing in many of them. We noticed that many of these logos didn’t include an image that captured the representation of their city’s culture, history or foundation. The new Tulsa Pride logo represents the booming history of Tulsa and celebrates its diverse community by providing symbolism that everyone can relate to.

Tulsa Pride 2012 will be an entire weekend with fun for all:

June 2^nd  - Street Festival and Pride Parade – Featuring host Pandora Boxx from Rupaul’s Drag Race and Drag U!

Our community is very passionate about pride and we want to make sure we reflect that in everything we do for them. A recent community survey allowed the committee to gather information that is helping us design a pride that works for everyone. As we all know, it’s hot in June no matter where you are. To combat the heat situation at the street festival, Tulsa Pride will be featuring more cooling options and shade. In addition, there will be more food options, exhibitors, indoor kids’ fair, and many more things to do while enjoying the day with friends and family.   

June 3^rd – Pride in the Park – A throw back to the very first Tulsa Pride celebration.    Bring your own ice chest, picnic basket, chairs, kids and pets.

Tulsa Pride will be providing a day to relax and unwind in the park. The first Tulsa Pride celebration was in a Mohawk Park in 1982. Everyone brought their ice chests, picnic baskets and tailgates. The community came together to visit with friends, play sports, show their pride and enjoy life. As our community grew throughout the years, we grew in numbers and a different generation presented us with different needs. Our hope is to provide people of all generations with a venue to celebrate their pride in an atmosphere that fits the needs of our diverse community.

Oklahomans for Equality (OkEq) has been the driving force behind Tulsa Pride for many years. OkEq is able to create a wonderful venue for Pride expression each year through generous donations from sponsors throughout the community. Without their support and the support of dedicated volunteers, it simply would not be possible to make Tulsa Pride a success.

Questions, sponsorship and vendor inquiries should be directed to info@tulsapride.org. The Tulsa Pride website address is www.tulsapride.org.

The Public Hearing for the $73.2 million rate increase proposed by OG&E began Monday, December 13, 2011 before the Oklahoma Corporation Commission in the 3^rd floor courtroom at the Jim Thorpe Building. Testimony and cross examination of witnesses is scheduled for the morning sessions with public comments at 1:30pm each day. At stake is a monthly increase of about $6.60 in the base rate for most OG&E residential customers and increased usage cost to many commercial users. What has made this hearing different is that it is coming not only at a time when people in Oklahoma and Arkansas are coming off of a summer with the highest electric bills of all time, but at a time when OG&E’s profits are at an all time high. Most affected are the fixed income groups like seniors and the disabled, including aids-related disabilities.  Disturbing to many is the fact that conserving electricity doesn’t help in this situation because the fee increases are fixed regardless of usage to the residential customer.

OG&E is requesting this increase so it can make an 11.25% return on equity (ROE) to its investors in order to be able to raise money on Wall Street for its projects. Another rate increase request is scheduled for sometime in 2013. The Oklahoma State Attorney’s office is asking for a $4 million decrease in rates considering the excess revenues this summer. According to PRNewswire, the board of directors of OG&E Energy, OG&E Utility’s parent company on December 6, 2011 approved an increase to $1.57 per share annual dividend to its stockholders up from the originally projected $1.50 per share. Also in December 2011 OG&E Energy stock hit a 52 month high of $54.21.

The only OG&E executive scheduled to testify before the Commission is Jessie Langston, VP of retail Natural Gas. OG&E is also presenting testimony from experts within its company as to why it needs the increase at this time.  Attorneys for the Oklahoma State Attorney General’s office, the AARP, the Oklahoma Industrial Energy Consumers, Sam’s Club and Wal-Mart, and with several other interests were represented on the first day of testimony to dispute OG&E’s claim that this rate hike is required.

In the afternoon, many individual consumers and consumer groups let their feelings be known to the Commissioner. The Oklahoma Sponsoring Committee comprised of 25 congregations and non-profit groups concerned about pressures mounting against families in the Oklahoma City metro area presented their findings through spokesperson Melodie Garneau. Not only had OG&E Energy made record profits in the last couple of years, but they also had 5.5 times the net income to pay their bondholders. This in comparison to the 2-3 times net income that comparable utilities in other areas have.

Many individual consumers statewide spoke to the Commission about the hardships the past summer had imposed upon them and how this rate increase would make things even more difficult.  One consumer asked, “How much money does OG&E spend on the statewide commercials telling everyone what a good job they do?”  Other speakers included Zakk Flash of the Occupy Norman movement who appeared with four other members.  Mr. Flash stated, “In 2009, OG&E demanded $110 million from their customers in Oklahoma. That year they also got $13.5 million dollars out of 65,000 people in Arkansas, via the Public Service Commission. Now, the electrical monopoly asks for $73 million dollars more per year, right on the heels of receiving $8.8 million in June from the Arkansas Public Service Commission.”

Mr. Flash went on to say, “Keep in mind that this is not a one-time increase – OG&E is seeking to once again increase the base charge borne by all customers every single month, regardless of how little electricity a customer uses. In 2002 the charge was $2/month. We currently pay $13/month and, if this proposal passes, we can expect to see $20/month as the bare minimum. That means those who use the least are already paying the most per kilowatt hour. And now OG&E would like them to pay even more.”

The hearings continued to December 22, 2011.  However, should additional time be needed the hearings will pick up again on January 3, 2012 on the 3^rd floor of the Jim Thorpe Bldg. near the State Capitol in Oklahoma City. The decision of the Oklahoma Corporation Commission is expected in early January, 2012.

[box]For more information or questions about the rate increases, contact the Oklahoma Corporation Commission; OKC office (405) 521-221, or Tulsa office, (918) 581-2296. You may also call OG&E (405) 553-3000 and ask for Brian Alford or Donald Rowlett.[/box]

Zakk Flash with, “Occupy Norman,” speaks to the Oklahoma Corporation Commissioners against OG&E’s proposed rate hike.

Heathyr Chenoweth is a Rogers State University student majoring in communication and art. She is a Tulsa native, who began painting at age five. Now she specializes in acrylic paintings and watercolors. Heathyr teaches mixed media at the Tulsa Art Center. She is a community activist, mentors at middle schools, and does freelance graphic design work for non-profits and small businesses.

Rosie Lynch is a master photographer whose work and styling is a must-see event.

In addition to the opening reception on the 5th, be sure to mark your calendar to attend a Gallery Talk and Demonstration on Saturday, January 21st at 1pm at the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center Gallery.

The show begins with a reception on Thursday, January 5th from 6-9pm where there will be a door prize drawn of the artist’s work. The show continues throughout the month. For more information, call Tim Williams at (918) 605-9894 or visit www.okeq.org.