Taking approximately 70% of the vote, Al McAffrey makes a clean sweep against his Republican opponent in the special election held on Valentine’s Day for Oklahoma State Senate seat in District 46. McAffrey is Oklahoma’s first openly gay Legislator serving at the state’s capitol.

“Thanks to all my supporters; those who supported me financially, who volunteered and those who voted for me,” said McAffrey in a statement to the Gayly. “I plan to represent this Senate District the same way I spoke for those in my House District and my Open Door Policy remains in effect.” McAffrey also paid a special thanks to David Stinson for, “putting up with me,” for his added support and, in particular, putting together his victory party.

McAffrey is a strong supporter of all Civil Rights and his voting record shows he has consistently voted for the benefit of seniors, the preservation of human rights and the middle class.

“Tonight, the people of Senate District 46 have put their faith in me to represent them. I do not take their faith in me lightly or for granted,” McAffrey Added in a statement sent to his supporters. “I am committed to fighting for the values that define our district: fairness, equality and moving Oklahoma forward.”

At the victory party for newly elected Senator Al McAffrey, pictured above are McAffrey (c) and Richard Ogden (l) and Steve Cortes (r).

When we go to a bar, we have an agenda. Refreshing, tasty beverages are not what most of us seek when we walk into our favorite watering holes. There is no natural lust for alcohol that beckons us to imbibe. There is, however, a yearning for connection imbued in each of us. We buy drinks, dance with strangers, and take random people home in hopes of filling a void. We believe others will give us what we cannot give ourselves. We are always disappointed.

You do not have to be gay to have this experience. For people who are, though, the emotions are compounded. We are not just looking for a partner when we intimately connect with someone of the same sex; we are often trying to find ourselves inside another person. That dynamic is an equation for ascertaining emptiness.

There’s no greater catastrophe than a life unfulfilled. Yet, most would admit that something is missing. Every person who is gay has experienced some kind of rejection; we seek shelter in the arms of others. Intimacy cannot be manufactured, though. It cannot be found on Craig’s List. It cannot be ordered up on smart phone apps. It also cannot be served at a bar. That gut-level dissatisfaction so many of us feel everyday is really an imbedded barometer reminding us that we need to get our internal house in order. And so, we try.

We are sitting at a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, the latest issue of The Advocate our only companion. We feel lonely. We want to be connected. So we pull out our iPhone and log onto Grindr! The gay-dating cell phone application displays diagonal rows of dozens of men within a few thousand feet from us who we can talk to. We zero in on a shirtless guy with scant information about himself in his profile. We chat it up.

We decide during the nascent texting/dating ritual that this avatar will be our salvation. The shirtless man behind the pic will fill our void. He will see the beauty of our soul. He will love our quirky tastes, laugh at our jokes, and explore the world endlessly by our side. He will give us everything we deserve. None of that is apparent by the few dozen lines of text we exchange, though. We decide to meet up at a downtown bar later that evening. In the flesh, it will click.

So we enter the bar with an agenda. We fail to consider that we are about to meet a distinct person with a whole host of issues and aspirations distinct from our own. We meet. We order a drink. Shirtless Grindr guy turns out to be pretty lackluster. He is rather boring. We have little to talk about. Or maybe we do. It is hard to have a real conversation with someone when you are holding at bay the disappointment that this person is not exactly who you wanted them to be.
Now, we have a choice. We can politely excuse ourselves and go home to a lonely night’s slumber. Or, we can invite our bland beau to our abode. The night’s machinations can either be tame or wild; the morning’s musings are pre-ordained. Either way, he leaves. The chasm remains.

It is within that space—that void—that redemption lives. The awkward moment when we realize the person we are drinking with is not the person we want is really the instant when we discover that pieces of us are missing. We can wonder the world, cruise every bar, and chat up every person in cyber space. No one we encounter will ever be able to give us what we have to give ourselves. Instead of going to out bars, we should probably be doing yoga, meditating, or just spending some quiet time reflecting on how to become the people we want to be.

When we do meet up with people, we should interrupt that awkwardness with something real. We shouldn’t be afraid to embrace the uniqueness that lies within. We should receive individuals as they are, too. Our own agendas must be set aside. People are not canvasses for us to paint our insecurities onto. Everyone is their own masterpiece, worthy of faculty and symposium. Ultimately, we hold the keys to the undoing of our own doom.

This isn’t just a gay issue. Heterosexuals manufacture intimacy, too! There’s a certain politeness in straight society that prevents the honest admission of what’s really going on in most people’s lives, though. Leave it to the gays to shake things up a bit.

Let’s all try to fill our inner-chasms with more than just alcohol. Let’s stop looking for other people to make us whole. Let’s dig deep into our own firmaments.

We can fill the void by mining the chasm.

Over the last four years, the market declined in excess of 2% in a single day around 100 times, more than any other four-year period since the S&P 500 Index’s formation in 1957. On the flip-side, the market also recorded a 2% or greater gain in a single day more than any other four-year period. Recently we have experienced a market of extremes. In 2012, finding a middle ground, or Meeting in the Middle, will be key for growth in the markets and economy. Consumer sentiment, business leaders, policy makers and geopolitics are going to have significant impact on the investment environment.

2012 looks to be another year of slow-as-a-slug growth.  GDP is likely to average about 2% in 2012, supported by solid businesses spending and modest, but stable, consumer spending. Inflation may recede early in the year, by year end it may begin to re-emerge as the impact of a falling dollar, rising commodity prices and the record-breaking monetary stimulus by the Fed begins to be reflected in prices. Global growth in 2012 should be supported by solid emerging market growth including the consensus of 8-9% growth in China, the world’s second largest economy, while Europe experiences a mild recession. There could be a one-in-three chance of entering a recession in 2012. However, provided we avoid a shock from unforeseen events, interest rates do not surge above 5% and oil prices do not soar to record highs, I believe the business cycle likely lasts until around 2015 – the average cycle duration of five years experienced since 1950. This leaves 2012 as a mid-cycle year of continued, though sluggish, growth. Many investors fear the U.S. economy is poised for a business cycle much shorter than the average of eight years seen in recent decades. The fear of a return to recession just three years after emerging from the Great Recession of 2008 – 2009 is driven largely by the concerns over a lack of job growth and the fiscal budget and debt problems here in the United States and overseas. While recognizing the challenges posed by unsustainable government budget deficits and relatively high unemployment rates, the support of strong business productivity and a corporate spending boom are being overlooked by investors.

So, rather than looking for a rock to hide under, investors should be looking under rocks to find investment opportunities in unusual places in 2012. I have many ideas and arrays of options for finding those opportunities most suitable for you. If you would like to explore with me or like more details pertaining to the above article, give me a call. I would love to hear from you.

At the New Hampshire Republican debate on January 7, any hope that LGBT people would have any rights left if a Republican is elected President in 2012 were blown away. They spent nearly one-quarter of the debate talking about the “Right to Privacy,” affirmed by the Supreme Court in the 1965 Griswold decision, Roe v. Wade, and same-sex marriage.

The “Right to Privacy” decisions of the Supreme Court, first in Griswold and then in Roe v. Wade in 1973, provided the foundation for the Lawrence v. Texas decision in 2003 that ruled sodomy laws unconstitutional. Removing the barrier of our sexual behavior being criminal in many states is considered a foundation for other LGBT rights now and in the future.

Mitt Romney, the front-runner and presumed future nominee, believes that Roe was incorrectly decided and wants to overturn it. He wants a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.  Rick Santorum, who tied Romney in Iowa but placed a dismal fifth in New Hampshire, goes even further.  He believes the Supremes were wrong on the right to privacy, thinks states should ban contraception, and wants to overturn Roe.  Worse, he believes in a federal ban on same-sex marriage, and the couples who are already married in the five states that allow it are just out of luck. “They wouldn’t be married,” he said.

Jon Huntsman, who isn’t going anywhere in this race, supports civil unions; somewhat enlightened, he said he doesn’t believe that his marriage is threatened by gay people having civil unions. Newt Gingrich believes same sex couples should have some rights, like hospital visitation and inheritance, but apparently doesn’t support even civil unions. Rick Perry, also a non-starter, wants a constitutional amendment. Ron Paul doesn’t want a constitutional amendment, but believes the issue should be left to the states – an easy position, because something like 45 states ban same sex marriage by law or by constitutional amendment.

If we look at the whole spectrum of these extreme views regarding the rights of LGBT folks, we can easily conclude that if marriage is banned federally, we remain second class citizens forever. And if they appoint more Robert’s, Alito’s and Scalia’s to the Supreme Court, the stage would be set for an overturn of the foundation of our rights – the Right to Privacy. I can see a return to same-sex intimate sexual behavior bans in many states, and even a ban on business and governments extending domestic partner benefits to same sex couples.

Every one of these candidates has a view of the LGBT community that ranges from the simply conservative to the irrationally extreme. When the most critical issue facing us is the economy, the best these guys can do is spend one-quarter of a two hour debate talking about our rights.

I don’t much care for President Obama’s stance for civil unions against same-sex marriage, but his record in other LGBT areas is stellar:  the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the enforcement of rights of partners to visit their partners in the hospital, the appointment of many LGBT people to positions of responsibility; and the inclusion of sexual orientation in the hate crimes law, all are great accomplishments given the right-wing Republican opposition to our rights for the last two decades.

We must all pay very close attention to what this collection of nuts is saying, fight them over their extreme positions, and encourage to President to support even more of our rights with the passage of ENDA, and the repeal of DOMA.  In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m voting for Obama this fall.

In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, eradicating the stigma of mental illness from the lives of gays and lesbians. Presently, this development seems like a moment of elementary understanding that declares an obvious truth, a “well, duh” in the struggle for gay and lesbian equality. Though public perception took decades to catch up, the idea of declaring gays and lesbians mentally unfit by virtue of their sexual orientation alone seems laughable, mere fodder for the discredited organizations that still advocate and practice reparative therapy.

Transgender people have yet to experience such a watershed moment. Because gender identity disorder is often considered a mental illness, many trans men and women must endure a great deal of scrutiny, subject to strict evaluations of their mental fitness in the workplace. As more and more government agencies and private employers develop policies related to gender identity issues, those who would discriminate against transgenders often rely on the specter of mental illness that still haunts us, interpreting normal emotional reactions to stress as signs of dysfunction to justify dismissal or demotion.

At Private First Class Bradley Manning’s preliminary hearing in December, prosecutors and defense attorneys revealed that Manning was struggling with gender identity disorder when his alleged crimes had been committed. This causes me great alarm. Apparently, both prosecution and defense are focusing on Manning’s gender confusion as a contributing factor in the release of hundreds of thousands of government documents to the WikiLeaks website.

If Manning’s gender identity disorder becomes a major issue during the court martial proceedings, it may amount to an insanity plea, one of the worst scenarios for those of us who advocate for transgender equality in the work place and/or the United States military. It will bolster the military’s use of the gender identity disorder diagnosis as an automatic disqualifier for top secret security clearances, thus sending a message to the world at large that transgenders are inherently untrustworthy people, deceivers at best, outright dangerous at worst but always a national security risk.

Of course, the pressures of gender confusion can be great, and the fear of being outed can generate a weakness someone can exploit. However, it does not seem like blackmail has been a factor in Manning’s case. According to defense statements during the preliminary hearing, Manning outed himself to his supervisors while stationed in Iraq before his arrest. Was that a plea for help, or was it a cynical attempt to lay the ground work for an insanity defense? We may never know the true answer.

In my estimation, though, Manning’s gender identity crisis does not eclipse his ability to discern right from wrong, nor does it justify his failure to uphold his oath of service. If he’s the hero some are making him out to be, if he released those documents to make a statement about the hypocrisy of US foreign policy, then I’d like to see him take responsibility for his actions. No excuses.

Across the nation, February is recognized as American Heart Month. With heart disease being the leading cause of death in the United States, it is also a major cause of disability in our country.

The most common heart disease in the United States is coronary artery disease (or coronary heart disease), which often is first diagnosed after a heart attack. In 2010, an estimated 785,000 Americans had a new coronary attack, and about 470,000 had a recurrent attack. About every 25 seconds, an American will have a coronary event, and about one every minute will die from one.*

Valentine’s Day is a great time to start taking steps to be heart-healthy. Here are a few tips to make that happen for you and your loved ones:
Prevent and control high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes.

• Avoid smoking and secondhand smoke.
• Limit alcohol use.
• Maintain a healthy weight.
• Be active.
• Eat healthy.

Consider making a healthy meal for Valentine’s Day. Serve food lower in salt and fat content, provide more fruits and vegetables, and make less sugary sweets for an overall healthy Valentine’s Day.

If you drink alcohol, do so only in moderation. Alcohol misuse is now the leading risk factor for serious injury in the United States. It is also the third leading cause of preventable death. Don’t drink and drive or let others drink and drive. Women, of course, should not drink alcohol during pregnancy.

So, whether you plan to celebrate on your own or with someone special, have a safe and healthy Valentine’s Day. Use these tips to give the gift of health to yourself and loved ones on Valentine’s Day and all year long.

*reference: CDC Office of Women’s Health

Every culture has a general set of built in expectations regarding behaviors of life. The gay culture is no different. As with many cultural expectations- they may be as much myth as truth. I have heard comments similar to “They were together as partners for three years. You know three gay years, that’s like 15 straight years!”

Virtually everyone in the gay community ultimately desires a long term relationship. A part of human nature is to seek security. The thrill of sexual exploits can be intoxicating for a time. How quickly deeper relationships are formed may have to do with whether or not long term intimacy was modeled in our family as we grew up. In theory it would be nice to develop friendships ahead of sexual intimacy to bypass the Rose Colored Glasses syndrome. Sometimes the friendship does first happen but often it gets colored by the initial sexual experience.

We know what we “want” and many times we search through quick sexual intimacy to find “it” only to discover a relationship which then evaporates. In short, it is so easy to become addicted to instant intimacy which burns like a flame at first and then fizzles.

If we wish for a long term relationship (indeed life long, and it can happen!) a foundation needs to be built.

Ask questions and listen carefully. Another person will ultimately tell you what they are made of. We all carry baggage into a relationship. When the sex is burning hot we just don’t want to take the time to unpack that baggage. Go ahead and take the time; communicate and see what each other’s baggage contains.
Discover life expectations. Both may need to let go of unreasonable expectations. Be willing to celebrate the unique characteristics of the other person. If we choose to wait for others to change to totally fulfill our emotional expectations, we will be waiting for something that will never come.

A relationship is never nourished by blame. Example: “If Jimmy didn’t wear me down, I would be able to cope with life,” or “If Scott gave me more encouragement, I would be more successful.” Remember life is ten percent what is put on our plate and 90 percent how we choose to process it. Once we learn to take ownership of our feelings and quit believing they are created by something or someone out “there,” we can let loose of the blame game.

Lifelong love as well as sexual intimacy is just as available to the LGBT community as it is to heterosexual relationships. There is no box that we are in; unless we put our selves in such a box, which says we have to keep searching in short intense bursts to find what is never really within our grasp. It is time for the gay myth that leads to intimacy addiction, to be busted. The myth that all gay relationships are short lived does not have to be true. Build the foundation that lets love for you and your partner be forever. You both deserve nothing less.

In 1991, a small group of Oklahomans saw the limitations of state and federal funding for men and women infected by HIV. The discrimination caused by the epidemic in our state was, and still is, astounding. Imagine a time when telling your family that you had tested HIV-positive meant you would be kicked out of the house, left to fight a disease that tears you apart physically and emotionally. There were big gaps in treatment where some people weren’t getting into the right healthcare, based on this stigma.

The grassroots group of these individual Oklahomans came together and formed an organization called the Oklahoma AIDS Care Fund (OACF), which was shocking at the time, because it included the word “AIDS” as part of the title. They knew there were staring stigma right in the face, and yet they kept moving forward.

Many members on the Board of the OACF knew of individuals who had HIV/AIDS. They founded the OACF because of those they had lost or were losing to this epidemic. These charter members were going against the grain here in Oklahoma. These courageous individuals were stepping up to confront a disease that most everyone was afraid of at that time. They were “coming out of the closet” in their own way, by stating they were going to fight this disease; something new was about to happen here in Oklahoma.

Through their continued dedication and perseverance they can now boast a total of over $10 million raised over the course of the past 20 years. Over $650,000 of the funds raised this last year alone were distributed to over 18 agencies and programs all across the state of Oklahoma. These funds provided health­care for those infected, and prevention messages for those who are at higher risk of becoming in­fected, while simultaneously filling in gaps where state and federal fund­ing are limited or restricted due to budget cuts.

We do not always see how the OACF assists those living with HIV/AIDS or at high risk from being infected, because they do not provide services directly to individuals. Instead, the OACF helps by supporting programs and services that are already in existence across the state of Oklahoma. For example, have you ever picked up some condoms at a local club or bar here in Oklahoma City? Those condoms were most likely funded by the OACF, and were distributed by various agencies collaborating together in this outreach program. Have you noticed the bus benches which read “Get tested. Dial 2-1-1”?  These are sponsored by the OACF on behalf of several agencies that provide free HIV testing in the area.

In 2011, the OACF partnered with the Oklahoma State Department of Health and the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health, to open ten new HIV testing sites targeting injection drug users and substance abusing communities throughout the state. Because these sites are unfunded to perform this task, the OACF provides them with free HIV test kits to serve these communities which are at higher risk for infection.

Maggie Gooch with her good friend. Both support the rights of LGBT people.

It is painfully obvious that gays are discriminated against for simply loving the person they happen to love. Whether a gay, lesbian or transgender person is in public with their life partner or just going on a date, it is forbidden that couple hold hands or show any other public display of affection, particularly in this region of the United States.

“What troubles me about people who are angry about LGBT people or with same gender marriage is that it just causes the young gay or lesbian student who hears that to feel shame and guilt,” said Toby Jenkins, the Executive Director of Oklahomans for Equality in Tulsa. “Living in the shadow of such shame will make them feel like they will never find someone to love.”

Courtney Breshears, also of Tulsa said, “I feel like I’m not equal in this region unless I’m in a gay club or a gay event.” Breshears has been on both sides, having first been married to a man before she came out at the age of 24.

“No one ever looked at my husband and me for holding hands or any other public displays of affection. Since I have been with my partner, unless I’m in the privacy of our own home, backyard or at a close friend’s house, we do have to hide any affection in public. I wish that this region was friendlier toward gay couples.”

We did find some of our straight allies willing to not only speak out for gay rights and gay marriage, but willing to go on record as such.

“Why should gay people be judged for who they love? Straight people don’t get judged for whom they love, so why should gays?” said Maggie Gooch of Oklahoma City. “Gay people are humans too! Who are we to tell them who they can and can’t love, marry and have a family with.”

Gooch is 20 years old and co-owner of “Chasin’ Tail, a pet store in Oklahoma City who concluded by saying, “They (gays) deserve to live a happy, normal life without anyone to judge them for who they are or who they love.”

More allies are Dianna Harris and her youngest son Max. Harris told Max when he was 12 years old that he had a gay brother, to which he replied, “That doesn’t matter mom. He’s still my brother!” Harris is owner of Bad Grannies Bazaar.

Ironically, both allies we found to speak out both have businesses on OKC’s Plaza District; the very place where Randy Roberts Potts, “Gay Agenda,” will make its Oklahoma premier.

To sum it up, we see times are changing. Partly because of great LGBT leaders and organizations who have led the way to such change. We do also see more allies standing up for the rights of the LGBT community.

If anyone you know is feeling lonely or discriminated against, there are groups who are always there to help: The Trevor Project, Cimmaron Alliance, Oklahomans for Equality, The Equality Network, The Kansas Equality Coalition and many more. Just reach out and you will find people just like you.

Charlene Fifer (l) and Courtney Breshears (r) of Tulsa. Courtney said she wished she could be more open in public and Charlene said she never had to actually come out to her family because she was with someone and they figured it out.

“Debido a la reacción constructiva basada en nuestras fechas del 11-13 de mayo, decidimos reconsiderar las fechas de Orgullo. Hemos recibido la cooperación sin precedentes de una organización fantástica en nuestra comunidad. La Oklahoma Asociación de Rodeo Alegre(Gay) (OGRA) ha consentido en ser la parte de nuestras festividades de semana del Orgullo. (OKC) semana de Orgullo será el 18-27 de mayo. El festival ocurrirá el 19 de mayo y el desfile enormemente popular ocurrirá el domingo, 20 de mayo. En la conmemoración de nuestro 25to año, tendremos actividades de una semana que celebran nuestro Orgullo. La semana de Orgullo será coronada lejos por el rodeo del OGRA el 26-27 de mayo. Más detalles sobre la semana de Orgullo serán soltados(publicados) en el futuro próximo. ¡Estamos excitados para afiliarnos a manos con OGRA y celebrar 25 años del Orgullo de nuestra comunidad!”