I started using drugs and alcohol to fit in

by Jessie B.
Special to The Gayly

My story is full of downfalls as well as triumphs throughout my recovery, and it has been put on my heart and soul to reach out to the world that we can overcome addiction.

As a member of the LGTBQ community, I see firsthand what the disease is doing to our members, and something needs to be done. Like most of you, I started using drugs and alcohol to fit in. As a young gay kid in a small rural community here in Kansas, there were not many options I could take advantage of to fit in.

I always said that I might be gay, but I can out drink and get higher than anyone I knew, and for some, it was a selling point of the friendship, but somewhere along the way, I realized that I didn’t need any friends because the drugs were all that I needed. I walked down the darkest paths I could find because the adrenaline of the lifestyle was what grabbed me.

On February 28 of 2017, I made a decision to face my demons after years of everyday I.V. use of meth. I had no idea where I was going or what I would experience through this decision. I was tired of getting arrested, going to jail, and getting released just to turn around and fall back into the same patterns and catching new charges.

I stumbled into the rooms of a 12-step program and found my home. I made the decision to throw myself into the program the way they suggested I do it. I found a sponsor, worked through the steps and started working with others. I was searching for more people of my kind, not for anything more than to just fit in with a group.

I have searched my entire life for my tribe and I have learned along the way that it doesn’t matter what walks of life we walk it doesn’t matter who you are, what you have done, or what you do behind closed doors, the 12-step programs of recovery have open doors for anyone willing to find recovery.

I remember looking around town for any LGBTQ based groups, and I couldn’t find any. At 90 days sober I started looking into what I would have to do to start a meeting where people who identify as whatever they want to identify as could come and have a safe place to express themselves as well as work on their recovery.

On June 2017, that sober, LGBTQ safe space was created in Wichita, Kansas. It started with one meeting and, since that time, has been a place for people to get some recovery in a safe, judgment-free zone. I’ve made it a mission of mine to reach out to our community and let them know that it doesn’t matter who you are or where you are that recovery is achievable for anyone.

Today I can stand in my truth on a solid foundation I have built for my own life. I know what my worth is, and it is not defined by what someone would pay for me. The life I live today is beyond beautiful, and I could not be more grateful for the fellowship of this 12-step program. Without those rooms, I would not be where I am today.

So, anyone out there who happens to stumble across this and can relate to what I am saying, then please reach out. Find a meeting somewhere and get involved. The doors are always open and are always welcoming to anyone who desires to find a new way of life. You owe it to yourself to try!

Copyright The Gayly. 9/15/2.019 @ 12:05 a.m. CST