If it’s really because I’m gay, then say it

In January, “Mack” came out to the members of his church. Like many, he was married but “playing straight” to appease his family and the only friends he knew; his church family.  

Mack just could not keep living the lie. In January of this year he came out to his wife, pastors and subsequently, the church. Feeling uncomfortable, he stopped attending altogether and a few weeks later he received a letter that he was under church discipline at Frontline Church.

Mack said he was in a lot of pain and hurt from the letter. “The pain was not due to the church pursuing church discipline where they thought it to be necessary, it was because I believe there to be something else underlying, some unspoken motive.”

We interviewed one of the pastors at Frontline Church who denied their reasons for writing the letter ‘had anything to do with homosexuality.’

“I think that’s the way he has taken it. It’s not about his sexuality, it’s about the covenant of marriage,” said Pastor Sean Evans of Frontline Church South. “We don’t feel like he worked that out.”

Mack agreed. “I was beginning to feel uncomfortable in the church so I stopped attending. I wanted my wife to have that place of support during this time. Neither the church or I had very good communication between each other at the time and then I get this letter.”

The letter, send to Mack in March, was a full page of his ‘sin’ and a list of their ‘instructions’ Mack must comply with in coming back to the Frontline Church, including statements like,“You left your wife and home, declaring that you would pursue divorce without even consulting the elders of Frontline. This is only after several meetings in which you verbally agreed to submit to and trust the Pastors God had placed in your life as we worked to serve you through a time of difficulty.”

And, the letter clearly stated three specific items he must comply with in a letter:
1. Ask forgiveness from your wife for leaving and pursuing divorce.
2. Return to your community and to attending Frontline regularly.
3. Work with Frontline’s Pastors to create a plan for health and marriage.
The very next line stated, “By failing to pursue these steps, church discipline will become elevated over time, up to and including excommunication.”

But the church insists the letter was not intended to mean a thing about Mack’s sexuality. When I read the above to Pastor Evans and stated, “Sure sounds like he either comes back to the church to reconnect with his wife under your plan, or you throw him out,” he replied, “Well, the letter was not written to you!”

However, that was the only time Evans was even a bit testy with me on our phone interview. He did insist that the church loves Mack very much and wants him to come back. He said the letter was intended to communicate love.

“I have felt that this love and support came with an asterix, adds Mack. “I sensed that that this love and support was hinged on me going back to ‘playing straight’ and staying married.”

Later in the letter it states, “Upon excommunication, other Acts 29 churches, and any churches that we feel you may attend, will be notified of our actions and the reasons for discipline.” Is that to say if he does not repent in the way they have designed for him to repent, he is excommunicated from a number of churches? These ‘church families?’

When asked, the pastor did say the reference to Mack’s “health” was his emotional health was in despair (sometimes interpreted as ‘mental’ health).

“I don’t know what it’s like [homosexuality]. I don’t feel his feelings. I consider I’m a good friend and I love him a lot. We can’t make him go straight. Only God can change his heart. We just don’t want him to ‘go rouge.’”

Mack went on to say, Frontline and its elders dealing with sin (divorce) the way they apparently see fit. Which again, if this is the view of the church and how divorce should be handled then by all means, pursue it. Where I find difficulty with this is that I know of divorced people in the church, who are members and have even been considered for community group leadership. This action has not been taken on them. They have not been threatened with excommunication. So if the contents of your letter truly demonstrate how Frontline South deals with divorce, why are they not being disciplined the same way? I cannot help feeling that there is something underlying, something unsaid here. It appears that the circumstances surrounding my divorce (being a homosexual) has caused you (and the church) to take specific action against me.”

Mack challenged the leaders of the church to be leaders. “Be consistent, open and honest with how you feel scripture has called you to lead and protect the church. And if this is the manner in which divorce is to be handled at Frontline, then lead and govern and protect the church exactly how the Spirit guides you to. But be consistent, across the board with everyone in your flock. Alternatively, if ultimately excommunication is not how someone who divorces and does not return to their original marriage is dealt with; if there is something else, some other issue driving your previous letter, then I again challenge you to be men of integrity and stand up and say what the issue is. If this is because I am gay, say it. Be direct, be open, and be honest. Your letter seemed to have undertones of this, not just to me but to those I have shared it with in and out of the church.  So whichever the case I challenge you to take action.

I asked Pastor Evans if they would consider taking Mack back as a gay man. His first response was, I think there’s a long road there. I wouldn’t want to discuss that [his coming back to the church and his sexuality] with anyone but Mack and not on the phone. I asked later in the conversation, to which he replied, “I love Mack very much. We want to meet with him in Christian fellowship. If he came in today we’d work with him.”

They never said they’d let Mack live life the way he wanted.

Mack wrote in his response to the letter, “I am asking for a response from the church.” He has yet to receive it.

(to view a copy of the letter, visit www.gayly.com and search Mack)

by Robin Dorner, Editor in Chief

The Gayly – June 11, 2014 @ 11:10am