One child lost is one too many

Trigger Warning: Suicide

by Sara Ritsch
Staff Writer

In a twisted and tragic series of events – bullying, retribution, blame – Ty Smalley lost his life. An 11-year-old with two of the most loving and supportive parents was put in a helpless situation, and bullying brought an end to his precious soul on May 13, 2010.

“The person that fights back is the one who gets caught,” Ty’s father, Kirk Smalley, says. “He retaliated when he had enough.” He was suspended for three days and sent home.

His mother went home later that afternoon. “He hadn’t done his homework, his chores. Instead he had killed himself on our bedroom floor.”

Almost one child per hour is lost due to bullying in school or on the web. Ty Smalley’s parents intend to put a stop to this epidemic, as they stand for the silent victims in a courageous tour of the world.

“Ever since that day we’ve been traveling all over the world trying to make that stop. Too many kids. One is way too many.

“We have a list of over 55 thousand children in the last seven-and-a-half years who’ve committed suicide due to bullying in the United States. That comes out to 22 a day. Almost every single hour. But it is preventable. This world is tough enough.”

Stand for the Silent (SFTS) was founded in 2010 by a group of high school students in Oklahoma City. Ty’s parents, Kirk and Laura Smalley, have now taken the group over in the name of their son.

Lori Nguyen, a staff member of The Gayly, happens to be one of those founders. “The first time I heard Ty’s story I remembered what it was like to be one of the smaller kids in elementary school. I knew his story wasn’t the only one, and I knew the world needed some voices to speak loud enough to tell it.

“That’s exactly what SFTS does. Being part of the beginnings of this organization made me realize that, even at age 16, I had a voice that could be heard. We were Ty’s personal army that thought it would be fun to make some wrist bands to spread his story. Now it’s the world that stands with him.”

Kirk and Laura heard about the student-led organization and knew they had to get involved. “We decided that changing those kids’ hallways in their schools wasn’t enough. We had a whole world to change. We never know where and when it’ll happen to someone else,” Smalley continues.

SFTS became a nonprofit organization; they have since traveled for seven years while keeping track of numbers over the last four. They have spoken at 1,180 schools, to over 1.28 million kids in those four years. SFTS has chapters in 39 states and 17 countries, so anyone can start one in their area.

The hardest part, Smalley says, is “getting adults to realize how bad it’s gotten,” noting the epidemic of cyber bullying, where young people are harassed by their peers on social media. “A lot of adults don’t understand. ‘I was picked on in school, I got through it.’ But first graders have cell phones. You can ruin someone’s life at the click of a button.”

Taking away your child’s cell phone or forcing them to deactivate their Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account is not the answer, says Smalley. Instead, “It’s teaching others the responsible use of social media, learning respect and to care for others.”

As he says in the speeches he gives to youth, young adults, parents and teachers alike, “You are somebody.” He has them recite, “I am somebody,” and requests that they give him the sign language motion for I love you any time he comes close to tears.

Imagine a lunch room full of tearful children telling an activist to be strong, while simultaneously maintaining strength themselves and letting out their emotions all at once. A stream of angst, hormones and depression all freed in unity, despite their past traumas. That is why these students write to Kirk and Laura, admitting they have been changed by Stand for the Silent.

“I was always called emo and ugly, as well as a whore and faggot. I never even knew why,” says one student. “But after seeing your presentation I felt so happy, to see people really do care, even if they hardly know me, they'd care. I threw away my razor the second I got home.

“So I wanted to thank you, all of you in SFTS. You showed me I’m not worthless, and that I Am Somebody. My name is Hannah*, and I can proudly say I will never commit suicide, and I will stand for those who can’t do it [stand for] themselves.”

Ty was not a member of the LGBT community, but he was bullied mercilessly for being small for his age. But in the case of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual children, the school and young life experience can also be intoxicatingly traumatizing.

Smalley has a message for our LGBT readers, young and old. “What we stand for is everyone having the right to be who they are. We love everyone exactly the way they are, no matter who that is. Whether you’re LGBT or not.

“Everybody has the right to be them; they shouldn’t have to change. That’s what we’re all about. When this started, this was about ‘I am somebody.’ Everyone is someone. They have the right to be that person. That’s what those kids taught us that started Stand for the Silent. That we all belong.

“We can all get along and support each other, because life, in general, is hard enough.”

According to Smalley, one in four kids actually have a suicide plan before they graduate from high school.

Were you one of those kids? Are you one of those kids?

If you are interested in starting a chapter in your school or community, you can visit www.standforthesilent.org or email contact@standforthesilent.org to get involved. Kirk and Laura would love to hear from you.

[*Name changed for anonymity.]

In The Gayly’s April edition, our editors and staff prematurely ran a guest submission piece that had not been fact-checked. Ty Smalley deserves a real account of his story, and his parents’ organization, Stand for the Silent, deserves accolades for the statement it sends our youth, both LGBT and otherwise. Kirk and Laura Smalley have dedicated their lives to the prevention of bullying in our schools. With their help, The Gayly will now stand with them – we stand for the silent, too.

The Gayly - 7/3/2016 @ 11:07 a.m. CDT