Prepare yourself for rainbow family holidays

by Tera Bryant
LGBTQ+ Parenting Columnist

As a parent with a rainbow family, the holidays have always been something I dread. I’m done with that negativity and am embracing this holiday season with some inner work I feel will help.

I chose three mantras that I feel are imperative to keep in mind for not only myself but other rainbow families as well during this holiday season of family togetherness.

A). Always be prepared. This sage advice stands the test of time in many situations, including holiday gatherings in the Bible Belt. I have let go of the urge to attend family gatherings out of responsibility and a sense of duty, rather than spend that important time with those that I love and who nourish my spirit and heart.

Once I let go of that picture created in my mind of what the holidays were supposed to be and asked myself just exactly what I would like to convey to my children about the holidays, both spiritually and relationally speaking. The things that didn't honor my wishes were cut out.

B). Boundaries are your friend. People who respect boundaries will never have an issue with you establishing one. But, if they do take issue, they have no respect for boundaries or others. You have a right to clarify to those your children spend time with exactly what you will and won’t accept in the form of discussion and treatment.

No parent or child deserves to hear murmured negativity and hatefulness while passing the rolls at the Christmas table. That’s tactless and disgusting. If you establish your intent to enjoy a loving family gathering and that isn't respected, you have a right to take a firm stance and leave if the environment isn’t what you want your children around. Boundaries will show them you respect yourself and the things they are exposed to which will help them learn healthy boundaries at a young age.

C). Change begins with self-respect. Take a moment to reflect before allowing your emotions control. Respect yourself, respect your journey. Respect your family, even if they don't fully understand or support you. Respect their journey, especially if you have come out recently. It can set a positive or negative tone for how your children view your extended family's acceptance and love.

Not everyone is on the same part of the path when it comes to accepting their loved ones as LGTBQ+. They, too, are on a journey. Respecting that they may not always feel and act the way they do now is a great way to discern empathy in a situation that could become negative and verbally aggressive.

Sometimes the greatest respect you can show yourself is restraint in the face of blatant ignorance or rude people. 

Listen, I know these mantras won’t make the family Christmas perfect, but they will help everyone have a better experience.

These things teach me to grow. If I can't push myself to grow and become the change I wish to see; then I have already lost. I have far too much love, hope, and joy this holiday season to ever give up on pursuing loving acceptance for not just my family, but all rainbow families around the world.

I wish you all the very best this holiday season, and I am so excited to see what the new year holds for my rainbow family and The Gayly readers in 2019!

Copyright The Gayly – December 17, 2018 @ 9:50 a.m. CST.