You don't have to live in fear

Dear Alli,

With all the violence in the country lately, I am more scared as a trans person. What advice do you have to trans people for us to be safe?
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to live in fear.
#BlackLivesMatter #TransLivesMatter #BlueLivesMatter #AllLivesMatter

Thanks for all your great advice columns,
 Kelli Barret

Dear Kelli,

Yes, the past months have really shown how ugly people can be in this country. I know that as a trans person we are typically more at risk for hate and violence and that our safety is important usually only to us. So many people make us out to be perverts, pedophiles and an abomination in the religious eyes. The truth is that we are some of the few that actually live our lives truthful, once we have accepted who we are as humans.

In the past I have told people that the best way to stay safe is to always know your surroundings; to never keep your eyes set on one thing for to long. When I attended OKC Pride this past June, many people asked me if I was afraid. I told them that the only thing I was afraid of was not getting to see all my friends and not enjoying myself. They would ask, “But what about Orlando?” I said, “Well, the reality is that since then we have been safer in events like this, though by learning and knowing my surroundings it helps me stay safe.”

Since I transitioned, I do not do many activities on my own. If I am going to go out to a club, bar, event or gathering I always go with someone. I also let people know that I am going out and where I am going to be. I also use my cell phone locator when I am out for when I do my social media postings. This lets people know where I am.

I also find doing small talk through text helpful, as it helps people know what is going on. For example, “Hey, I am up at ZZY club with Pam, are you coming out tonight?” This is a way for someone to know where I am, even though they are not going out.

At the end of the night when I am leaving places like clubs, events, and so forth I always tell my friends to text me when they get home, and usually it is me texting, “Hey, I made it,” and then they will respond.

When it comes to bad situations, like what happened in Orlando, and you are at the club having fun with friends and there is gun fire, the worst thing you can actually do is run with your back to the person or sound of gun fire. As I mentioned above: know your surroundings and keep your eyes out for all things. If you happen to be in that situation take cover (meaning get behind something that separates you and the person), then stay low if not completely on the floor. It is better to play dead than to be dead.
Here are my “top five” things to do to keep you safe.

1. Buddy plan. Try to always have another with you when going out.

2. Let people know where you are going.

3. Limit your alcohol consumption when out.

4. Know your surroundings and keep your eyes out for anything different/out of the norm.

5. Let people know when you get home safe.

There is going to be ugly and hate in the world. As transgender people, we are some of the most beautiful people there are. We live our lives like no one else, we are true to ourselves and we want to be happy.

By knowing what is around us at all times and keeping ourselves one step ahead, we can keep each other safe and strive to make the world a happier place. We are lucky in so many ways to be our authentic selves, and with that, we get to share our stories like no one else can.

Alli

Copyright, The Gayly 8/14/2016 8:11 p.m. All rights reserved.