Be the leader, not the follower

by Allison Blaylock

Trans Advice Columnist


As a senior in high school and somewhat bigger than average body-wise, I have slowly begun separating myself from the gay community, mainly because of the negativity towards bigger people.

This isn’t how I thought the LGBT+ community would treat me as a member. It really hurts knowing this “haven” isn’t really safe for me.

I used to be proud of our community, but it has slowly turned to despise, especially when I hear how the community has made someone feel safe and loved, but not me. How would I deal with this negativity in a non-judgmental community?

I feel like I’m on my last leg. I don’t want our community to be known for segregating big and small, even if it is just a small branch.

Aunty Lush

Dear Aunty Lush,

I am sorry you feel the way you do about being a bigger-than-average person and the negativity brought on you because of your size. It is never a good thing for someone to feel bad or down because of their size, let alone where they fall in the spectrum of the LGBT+ community.

One thing I’ve learned in my years as a member of this community is there is a lot of negativity. It ranges from so many things such as bisexual bashing, transphobia, and, as you see, body shaming.

The community has many great people. However, we also have people who come forward and do hateful things.

The LGBT+ community can be very judgmental, which is unfortunate. As a transwoman, one thing I hear from so many gays and lesbians is “I’m imposing,” not “accepting I am just gay,” or “if I wanted to play dress up, I should just do drag.”

What I would suggest for you is to find groups of people who you enjoy being around. You can express yourself around true friends and know they will accept you, no matter what. With true friends, this is how it should be anyway.

I think one issue we find ourselves dealing with is trying to be accepted by people who could care less about us. I find myself so many times evaluating people I have as friends and acquaintances and deciding if I even want to keep them around.

The sad part is if these were people who I sought advice from during transition, as they would tell me things like “I don’t know what I am doing,” “I am going to fast,” and “why would I want this or that surgery?”

Just like any other community out there we will have those who are hateful and closed minded. What we must do is focus on the good and the people who continue to lift us as we lift them. We are only as strong as our weakest and with the way you feel we truly lack strength.

There is so much love to give, and none of us can be at our limit with accepting love. I hope you can find some peace in this and know I am a believer in truly accepting all people, regardless of their gender, orientation, size and so forth.

No matter what, hold your head high and be the best you can be. Show all those who treat you with doubt and negativity you are loving and accepting regardless of how they are.

Be the leader, not the follower.


Copyright The Gayly. June 5, 2018. 10:25 a.m. CST.