Bisexuals are confused

by Harrie Farrow
BiAngle Columnist

Bisexual memes, articles, and even T-shirts often proclaim, “Bisexuals are not confused.” However, this is not exactly accurate.

When told that gay and straight are the only legitimate sexualities, confusion will come alive for bisexuals.

When young people who have been attracted to or even sexually involved with more than one gender, know all about gay rights but have yet to hear the word bisexual, confusion can arise.

When bisexuals go to bookstores or websites searching for bisexual books, and find only “gay” as a category that will direct them to anything specifically not straight - they can tend to get confused.

When bisexuals go to the local “LGBT” organization looking for information and find that there is nothing there that is bi-specific, no bisexual area in the library, no bisexual group, no bisexual pamphlets, no bisexual merchandise in the gift shop, they tend to be confused about why there is a B in the organization’s name.

When a bisexual gets excited because an event has changed its name from “Gay” to LGBT, but then finds that nothing about the event has changed as far as bi-inclusivity, or bi-visibility, confusion is a likely response.

When a bisexual thinks it’s safe to come out to their parents because their family members are proud gay allies, and are told that bisexual isn’t real and they should just admit they are gay, or “Don’t ever tell anyone you are that horrible sex-crazed word,” they are likely to feel a great deal of confusion.

When a bisexual gets up the courage and excitement to march in a supposed “LGBT” pride event flying their bi flag proudly, and are told they are not welcome, confusion may not be as strong as hurt and disappointment, but yeah it’s there too.

When a bisexual sees their biphobic loud-and-proud lesbian acquaintance get accidentally pregnant from a consensual act, they are bound to be a bit confused. 

When a bisexual accidently walks in on their supposedly straight friend kissing a same-gender person, they are likely to feel some confusion.

When a bisexual man is told that the fact that he ever had sex with other men means he is gay, gay, gay, but yet he is having awesome hot sex with the woman he has since fallen in love with and married, he might — if he has not found bi-affirming spaces - be a tad confused.

When a bisexual joins a dating site and finds that they have to select if they are seeking men, or seeking women, their head may be filled with confusion.

When a bisexual finds a dating site that allows them to state that they are bisexual and seeking people of any gender, and they get messages from couples asking if they want to have a “discrete” threesome, they are probably going to be confused about why anyone would assume this would be an appropriate question to ask when they stated in their profile that they are monogamous and seeking a long term relationship.

When a bisexual reads that a favorite actor has stated that they’ve had relationships with men and women and don’t intend to limit themselves, but then add that they “don’t like labels” they can be a bit confused about why they don’t say bisexual.

When a bisexual sees a TV show that depicts a character who has had relationships with both men and women but never uses the word bisexual, they are likely to find this confusing.

Despite this long list - which I could make even longer - bisexuals are really only confused about one thing (aside from taxes, and which brand of granola to buy, and maybe calculus) and that is why those who don’t identify as bisexual are so confused about bisexuality. 

Yes, bisexuals are confused, confused about why people won’t let them be their authentic beautiful natural bisexual selves with acceptance, peace, and love. 

Harrie Farrow, life coach for bisexuals, at Navigating the Biways, and author of “Love, Sex, and Understanding the Universe,” has a degree in psychology and a minor in human sexuality. Farrow enjoys life living in Eureka Springs, AR.

The Gayly- 4/25/2016 @ 9:15 AM CDT