Cut loose and have a good time…but

But please, no matter with whom, and no matter what you consider your orientation, always wear a condom.

Spring is a time of renewal and growth. The earth sheds her cold winter’s coat and replaces it with vibrant colors. Some people celebrate the Christian observance of the Resurrection (often mistakenly called Easter). Some others celebrate the Pagan holiday of Easter, or Ishtar, goddess of fertility. Indeed, the very images we associate with Easter—eggs, bunnies, and baby animals—all represent fertility, birth, and renewal.

With that in mind, I gently and joyously encourage you all to make the very real distinction between sexual orientation and sex because this column is very much about sex. It doesn’t matter what you consider your orientation to be, because anybody can have any kind of sex. Isn’t that a liberating thought as we enter this season of promise, life, and continuity?

So, regardless of who arouses your desires, you can cut loose and have a good time. First and foremost, start by getting yourself tested for a variety of sexually transmitted infections (STI’s). Nobody wants to wake up from an amazing time to face the reality of something oozing from his or her genitals a few days later. That is gross and unnecessary.

This is 2014 and we know what to do about such things. Get tested. Get treated. Always know your status and keep yourself and your partner(s) safe. Use protection always. Not as an afterthought, but as a forethought.

Condoms can be lifesavers, but not if you put them on too late. That happens way too often, so incorporate the putting on and wearing of the condom into whatever activity you’re planning. Use water-based lubricants that won’t immediately eat holes in the latex. Wrap yourselves in yards of non-porous plastic wrap. Go a little nuts, but in a safe and wholesome manner.

So, there is that plain vanilla sex where someone’s on top and someone’s on the bottom. There is nothing inherently bad about that, but it can become a bore and a chore. You can easily add some spice with fantasy role-playing. Psychologically, fantasies are a great way to break out of a dull routine and to imagine something more. Keep in mind, though, that some fantasies are better as fantasies than as realities.

Don’t get a bad attitude if this happens with something you’ve really wanted to try. Just put it back into fantasyland. In Hollywood, people can get it on in the kitchen sink, fall off onto the floor and crack their skulls, and continue on to a beautiful finish. In your kitchen, that will just hurt. Unless you get off on pain. Then you just need bandages and an ice pack for later.

There are more fetishes and paraphilia’s out there than you can shake a body part at, so try out some new things, but always remember that they need to bring pleasure to all parties involved and that you need to put your health and safety first. You can do something as tame as wearing blindfolds or incorporating food into your passion. You can play with toys. You can play dress-up. Alternatively, you can Google a list of paraphilias and get really nasty together. (Who doesn’t love leather and silk bindings?)

The bottom line on all of this fabulous naughtiness is that it doesn’t matter if it happens between a man and a woman, two women, two men, two men and a woman, three women and a man…whatever. The point is that sex is sex, and not your orientation and it is not better or worse based on your orientation.

But please, no matter with whom, and no matter what you consider your orientation, always wear a condom.

by Mary Turner, Gayly Columnist

The Gayly – April 11, 2014 @ 9:30am