How “coming out” empowered me
Psychiatrist comes out after age 40
“I’m just your average gay, close-to-retirement psychiatrist, living with my husband on a farm in rural Iowa.” – Dr. Loren Olsen
Average, he’s not. Not only did Loren Olson complete medical school, he served four years as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Navy, and embarked upon a successful career as a psychiatrist; he also had a compatible eighteen year marriage and raised two daughters with his attorney wife, Lynn, before facing up to a difficult truth about himself: he is gay.
There are approximately 7 million adult gay and bisexual men in the United States. Although there are still hurdles to overcome regarding gay acceptance, for many young men today their sexual orientation is an accepted part of their identity. But in decades past, when Olson was growing up in the Midwest in the 1950’s, it was a “sin” to be homosexual. The most dreaded names a boy could be called were “sissy,” “fairy,” and “queer.”
Olson had a vague awareness that he was different from other boys. As he matured he attributed his sexual ambivalence to his dad’s death when he was three; he was confused about his manhood, he reasoned, because he lacked a male role model. Then came medical school, the navy, his psychiatric residency, marriage and raising a family. While meaningful and satisfying life choices, they served to protect him from his intensifying feelings of attraction towards men. If on occasion Olson questioned whether he might be bisexual, he pushed the thought from his consciousness. He was a “heterosexual, with a little quirk” he decided.
But at 40, after decades of inner conflict, Olson was drawn to an affair with a married man. Although short-lived, it was the defining moment. Not long after the relationship ended, he made a heart wrenching decision: he sought a divorce and began the complicated journey of “coming out” – to his wife, kids, mother, colleagues and friends. Facing down fears that the news would shatter his family and ruin his career, a lifetime of struggle began to resolve itself. Olson summoned the integrity to figure out who he really was and what it would mean to live as that person.
With professional insight Olson examines his personal transformation from a “straight” man living in a heterosexual world to a gay man beginning his education anew. He punctuates his story with revealing statistics from his interviews with gay men around the world and established studies on homosexuality, and with surprising historical facts that provide perspective on global cultural norms.
Part personal memoir and part psychological treatise, “Finally Out” offers a rigorous look at why some gay men live straight lives and never come to terms with their true sexual orientation; why some men believe they are “too straight to be gay” even while engaging in secret sex with other men – and the challenges faced by those who choose to “come out” after living half a lifetime or more closeted.
October 11, 2013