Identifying as…

by Livia Brown
Teen Columnist

Annoying teachers, lots of acne, learning to drive, drama; high school is hard enough as it is. But add the confusing issues of discovering your gender identity into the mix and it seems nearly impossible.

Yet plenty of teenagers are pushing through these issues every day. They have to take difficult steps, from understanding their gender, to deciding whether or not to come out, to dealing with the consequences of that decision. If you don’t come out, you feel trapped in yourself, carrying the weight of hiding who you are from the world. If you do, you risk being ostracized from the people you love most. It’s a tough decision, and it can go either way.

Alex Jones was in the eighth grade when they discovered they were agender. “I didn’t feel like I was a girl so I thought that meant I had to be transgender, but I didn’t feel like a boy either.”

After some research, they discovered that was the identity that brought it all together. “It all clicked for me,” and Alex had a positive experience so far with acceptance in school and at home.

“My friends and teachers call me Alex and many people use ‘they’ pronouns...but my parents won’t do either. They do support me though.” It looks like their parents are coming along though, they say their “mom is crocheting [them] a bag that has the agender flag design.”

Alex even says that they “haven’t really experienced unaccepting people,” just some people that can’t quite wrap their head around the idea of not having a gender, or not having the same gender as their sex at birth.

Coming out was a good idea for Alex, but it’s not always a positive experience. Marc was in the fifth grade when he noticed he didn’t like being called a girl, but came to the conclusion of being gender queer five years later. He says he “tried really hard to be just a girl” and that he “tried to use [clothes and makeup] as a disguise” for who he really is.

“Trying to think like that was really tearing me down. I knew I was different gender-wise, and it was time to accept it with pride, so I came out.”

His friends took it in stride, but unfortunately the same couldn’t be said for his parents. He explained, “I began with telling my mom that I had bought a binder in order to look more masculine, and that set her off.”

The issues still haven’t been resolved, but instead pushed under the rug and ignored entirely, although not after a rough couple of weeks. “My mom would tell me she hated me every morning, and my dad would completely ignore me, until one night he barged into my room shouting, ‘Why do you keep saying that you’re something that you’re not? That to me is disrespecting the trans community. You’re actually tearing this family apart.’”

When I asked Marc about any positive memories that stuck out to him in his struggle with gender, he said “I wish I had better story, but I’m still waiting for one.” With reactions like that, it’s no wonder 40 percent of homeless youth are LGBT, whether it be from being kicked out, or running away.

While both of these students have clearly had different experiences entirely, one commonality is apparent: peers have been more easily accepting of non-cis individuals than parents. There is hope for the future however, as long as progress continues.

They both brought up that we need more unisex bathrooms, especially in schools, and Marc added that a wider education on gender, acceptance of the pronoun ‘they.’ and less gendering of products were some of the next steps that need to be taken.

For other teens going through similar issues, I couldn’t have put it better than the words of encouragement Marc wanted to give. “You can still be who you are. Don’t let these obstacles stop you, you just need patience and perseverance. You may have to wait till college to fully express yourself if staying at home is what’s stopping you, but you will always find people who accept you, and all you need is that small group of friends to get by.

“I know every wrong pronoun stings a little harsher each time you hear it, but honestly if you can’t be yourself or work towards being who you really are, then we aren’t going to make any progress in how the world sees us.”

With kids as strong as these leading our future, I’m excited to see the changes coming to our community and nation, and I’m proud to be a part of this generation.

The Gayly – November 17, 2015 @ 10:35 a.m.