My authentic Christmas
by Brenda Way
Guest Writer
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa La La La La La Lah...'Tis the season to be...Bah humbug.
The holidays are usually a joyous time of year. But not for this girl - and not for many members of the LGBTQ community. It's especially hard for transgender members of our community. So many of us are ostracized by our families and friends for nothing more than wanting to live our lives authentically.
My thoughts turn to my family and the memories I have from Christmases past. I remember how much time I spent with my mother preparing the meal as early as eight years old. We would work and sweat together but I enjoyed it because of the conversations we would have.
As I got older it became more and more difficult for me to really enjoy Christmas. I saw the girls get toys I wish I had received when I was their age. I saw them dressed up in pretty dresses; dresses I could only wish to try on. I noticed the women in my family and what really caught my eye were the clothes - the dresses and skirts, the pantyhose, and the pretty shoes. I liked the earrings, necklaces, bracelets and all the other jewelry and accessories.
These memories come to me because there are so many trans people who see the holidays a little differently than cisgender people, even before we come out and start our journeys to live authentically. We notice the holiday music, decorations, lights, presents and meals as we grow up struggling with ourselves in homes that may not be accepting. We also notice people of the gender more close to our own and how their celebrations are somehow different from ours. I noticed the women and girls of my family and envied them. I wanted to celebrate Christmas as them.
When I was about forty years old, my mother gave me the silver aluminum Christmas tree that she had since college. I would set up that ragged yet beautiful tree every year. My mother passed away in 2010 and that Christmas was special to me because I had that tree and those memories of her to hold on to.
But when I transitioned, my wife threw me out of the house and, among so many other things, I lost that 65-year-old tree in the ensuing divorce.
That's my authentic Christmas.
It took me fifty years and forty-nine Christmases to have a holiday that resembled the ones I had imagined all of my life. Even though I now can't afford to have the fancy Christmas of years past, it's still a better Christmas than any I could imagine. I got “girl” things. I got a purple sparkly compact mirror for my purse and a couple of bangle bracelets. They're nothing fancy but they are pretty and they are mine.
The Christmas of 2015 was quiet; this year will probably be the same but I feel fortunate because many transgender people have no one with whom to spend the holidays. I do. I have my beautiful fiancée, Elle Boatman, and a few of our loving friends.
But so many who make that decision to come out and live authentically lose their families, friends, and homes. Many won't get a holiday meal, a present, or a family visitor. And many find the holidays to be an especially difficult and even depressing time of year.
So when I describe what it's like for a transgender person during the holidays the only answer I can come up with is this - it can be a very lonely and depressing time for many of us. For me, it will be bittersweet, because I am estranged from those with whom I shared a lifetime of holiday memories.
Copyright 2016 The Gayly – December 23, 2016 @ 12:50 p.m.