Will marriage equality destroy 'traditional marriage?’

by Rob Howard
Associate Editor

“We have straight friends that say mine and Pam’s relationship inspires them,” said Oklahoma City trans and LGBT activist Paula Sophia when asked if she knew any straight couple whose marriage had been affected by her marriage to wife Pam Schonauer. “They have been there for us through some of our darkest hours in getting our marriage recognized, and they feel very happy that they are as secure in their relationship as we are now.”

Although same-sex marriage opponents have constantly said that gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage, none of the gay or straight couples contacted by The Gayly knew of any opposite-sex marriage impacted negatively by a same-sex couple’s marriage.

“I’m ecstatic about the decision,” Paula said, referring to the Supreme Court’s Obergefell decision, which made same-sex marriage legal across the country. She and Pam were originally married in 2006, using her birth sex to obtain the license. Oklahoma ruled in 2012 that their Texas marriage wasn’t recognized in Oklahoma, because Paula is now a woman.

“We were disappointed in the decision in 2012,” she said, “but when the marriage decision came down, and the Supreme Court ruled, we finally feel secure in our relationship. We were in a nether region as a transgender couple.”

Jason Black Bear married his husband Darren Black Bear in October 2013. He was equally excited. “I’m very excited that they decided on the right side of equality and that we have equal marriage across the US and its territories. I just find it amazing that we have come this far in so short a time,” he said.

Jason and Darren were among the first couples married in Oklahoma before it was “legal” in Oklahoma for same-sex partners. Because Darren is an enrolled member of the Cheyenne-Arapaho tribe, the tribe issued a license, and Darren’s Dad, who is a minister, married the happy couple on tribal, sovereign ground.

About the myth “marriage equality will destroy 'traditional marriage.’” Hardly. A friend of Jason and Darren who has access to marriage and divorce data, told them that not a single couple getting a divorce since gay marriage came to Oklahoma has listed gay marriage as a reason for their separation.

It’s popular to assume that straight people in Oklahoma are against gay marriage, Trisha Clark, who owns A1 Pet Emporium in OKC and Edmond with husband Brent, said this of the marriage decision:

“I think it’s about time. Everybody deserves to love somebody, and everybody deserves to have someone special in their life,” she said. “I am finally glad to see that people who truly love each other, and are committed to each other can finally stand up and say we’re together, we’re partners, we should be treated just like anybody else.”

Has gay marriage caused her and Brent to consider divorce? “No, not at all, not at all. It’s kind of funny, but no, it hasn’t even crossed our minds.” She concluded, “People deserve to be happy and to be loved. Everybody deserves that.”

Scott Jones, who was Senior Pastor at Cathedral of Hope OKC, and now lives in Omaha with his husband Michael Cich-Jones, said of the decision, “It felt pretty exciting. It brings a sense of relief now that we have a child, that we wouldn’t have to deal with the possible legal complications or a situation where we might not be recognized as parents. It was less about us and more about Sebastian. Making sure that his life was more secure and stable.”

Of course none of the opposite-sex couples they know in Omaha had any negative result from their marriage.

“In fact, one thing I found funny after we moved here,” adds Jones. “For a lot of straight people we know, we were probably the first married gay couple they knew. And their reaction is ‘Gee, your marriage is just like ours.’”

Zeek Taylor and Dick Titus have been together 43 years. When same-sex marriage came briefly to Arkansas in the Spring of 2014, they were the first male couple married in the state, and in fact in the entire South. “I was real optimistic that it would come out on the side of love. That love would win,” Zeek said. “But I’m shocked that this would happen in my lifetime.”

In fact he said he still has a problem “getting it through my mind that I am now legally married.” He said he was filling out a form in a doctor’s office and when it asked if he was married, he checked ‘No,’ then realized his mistake. “I couldn’t wrap my head around being able to do that, it was so strange, but it made me so happy.”

Zeek’s observation about straight marriages breaking up because of gay marriage? “All of the divorces we know of have been caused by other straight people – adultery – not by our marriage.”

Jay Wilks, also of Eureka Springs, where he lives with his husband Keith Johnston, said, “It was so overwhelming to finally know that it was legal. That anything that happens to me, or to him, we are now eligible for the benefits that straight couples have always had – medical rights, tax rights.” Jay and Keith were also married in Eureka in 2014.

Wilks also said he doesn’t know of any divorce as a result of marriage equality adding, “It’s very comfortable now to introduce Keith as my husband to just anybody. There has been a whole change, whether or not the person likes it or not, they’ll say, well, this is my husband too.”

Many of our conservative friends appear equally as unaffected by this. Kathleen Branch, is simply a “fiscal conservative” but a level-minded person. Her husband, before his untimely death, was Captain Dan Branch, USN Retired, and past President of the Navy League.

“Gay marriage never affected my marriage to my lovely husband,” said Branch. “Many people assumed because my late husband was a naval officer and conservative, he would have antiquated ideas - and he was just the opposite. We always sided with common sense. He and I always wanted fairness - agendas aside, happiness is fleeting for everyone - so if somebody has the chance for joy, seize the moment!”

Kathleen says, “I’m more Libertarian on these issues – I don’t think the government should be in anybody’s marriage….If more people exercised common sense on a variety of topics – think how constructive our society would be!”

The Gayly – August 3, 2015 @ 4:10pm.