Confused hormones

"There are many things that our bodies will go through as we transition. This can be mental, chemical, and physical," says Trans Advice columnist Alli.

by Allison Blaylock
Transgender Advice Columnist

Dear Alli,

I am MtF. As I progress in my hormone therapy (about eight months now), I'm feeling a conflict in my body with masculine and feminine feelings. Do you know if this is normal and, if so, how long it lasts? My doc said it is normal, but I'd like to hear from people who have experienced it - I live in a small town and have no support systems here.

Struggling - Kara in a small town

Dear Kara,

There are many things that our bodies will go through as we transition. This can be mental, chemical, and physical. There is a saying that many I talk to who are in the community and it is, “Welcome to the rollercoaster of your new life.”

The reason of course is that when we start the hormones we have this euphoric excitement of getting this new life started for us. The next step is normally that feeling of just content of being on the hormones, followed by the time that comes of, “Ugh; I have to be on these for the rest of my life.”

The conflict that you are having is very common. Not every transwoman deals with it but I would say that at least 80 percent go through this feeling. I think that when the time came for me it was right around month six of being on hormones, my body had started to make some changes and it was something that I could notice.

I was also starting to do a few other things at that time like laser hair removal and a few sessions of electrolysis. I would be out with friends who were either cisgender or further along on HRT and I would feel as if I was masculine. Even though I presented fulltime as a female and had been for some time, it was the mental block of the border of femme and masc.

Currently, I have been on hormones for 18 months. I still have some issue with masculine things in my appearance such as the size of my arms and even my legs. Though I am complimented on both of them, I still have the mental feeling of them not being as, I think, feminine enough.

I will say that this is a life that you will be able to see many changes in your coming months and even years. Most times, it takes between five to seven years for the hormones to do all that they need to do. You will see many mental ups and downs along the way followed by physical changes.

I can give you the advice of just hang in there and remember just like any other female you have to go through puberty and there is never an exact perfect route or feeling. I wish you and all the transgender people best of luck in the journey.

Alli

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hormone therapy