Confessions from a bisexual teen

by Julia Kraus
Journalism Intern

Writing this article was tough for me for the same reason writing a college essay was tough for me. Basically, I’m ridiculously indecisive on matters of me. I say this because, despite my vehement hatred of stereotypes, I, a bisexual American, have a tendency to live in accordance with them - indecision included.

The thing is, my sexuality is a veritable smorgasbord of clichés both hetero and homo. There was the ironically goth girl for whom I wrote sonnets in her favorite poet’s favorite meter. There was the sweet and nerdy bassist boy whose quiet aloofness made me swoon.

There was even one of those awkward, “Whoa, we’re best friends,” “Whoa, we’re both kind of gay,” “Whoa, let’s never acknowledge each other’s existence ever again because it’s too awkward,” fiascos. Yeah, that last one was probably the worst.

But honestly, I don’t find being a bisexual teen very difficult. I mean, homework has a deadline - my sexuality will always be there looming above me allowing near infinite procrastination. I will say, coming out to people as “bi” - even to openly gay people - can be hurtful.

While I’m not sure how much I buy in to the whole “bisexual erasure” deal, I have noticed that there is a certain dismissiveness I meet when coming out as such. For example, when I came out to my best friend (a wonderful twink who aspires to twunkhood), little did I know that behind his supportive, excited demeanor he was totally convinced that I was completely and utterly lesbian.

It was like every time the topic of boys came up I had to prove my lack of disgust with masculinity. And while I love lesbians - and occasionally wish I was one - it is very disheartening to see one of the people closest to me act so patronizing.

Despite the dismissiveness with which bisexuals are sometimes treated, I have found a certain wisdom comes along with bisexuality. Say what you will about men and women’s differences - and that is a giant can of worms I would prefer never to get into - I think having the option to go either way can help one transcend societal behavioral prescriptions and figure out what a healthy relationship is for the individuals involved.

For example, it’s well documented that in straight households, daily chores fall heavily upon the woman to complete while in same-sex households chores are typically evenly divided. For someone who has only experienced heterosexual relationships this inequity could easily go unnoticed as they know no different.

While a woman who has experienced both would more readily have perspective allowing her more power and consideration in her relationship choices. For a more high school oriented example look no further than the hordes of sixteen-year-old straight girls who allow boys to walk all over them as though love and emotional wellbeing are something one must sacrifice oneself to in order to receive.

The world may always be a mess of heteronormative silliness, but sprinkle a little queerness onto that perspective and it becomes possible to recognize that absurdity and maybe even clean it up a bit.

Copyright 2017 The Gayly – February 22, 2017 @ 10:30 a.m.