Diversity is a blessing

"Coming to terms with my gender had to be one of the most difficult debates I've ever had with myself."

by Austin Schnell
Special to The Gayly

Coming to terms with my gender had to be one of the most difficult debates I’ve ever had with myself. Though many aspects of transitioning made me fearful of coming out - losing family, being harassed, or losing respect in my community - there was one thing for certain that made me question whether-or-not I could transition...my interests.

I grew up as a tomboy, loving basketball shorts, playing with the boys, and gross jokes. However, I also grew up as one of the most compassionate little kids you could ever meet. I loved working with little kids, volunteering, and being the main source of help and compassion in a room.

I knew I always wanted to work with children, so my career choices stayed consistent as I grew up. I either wanted to be a pediatric nurse or a special education teacher.

Through high school, I stayed committed to extracurricular activities, especially ones that connected with my interests, such as leadership, volunteering with foster kids and being a Unified Partner for Special Olympics.

The only problem I found with my interests was one thing; there were hardly any boys. Even though I never felt comfortable in how my peers saw me or how I had to present myself, I didn’t think that I could try to find my true self if I wanted to stay involved with what I was passionate about.

However, through a rough patch of depression due to my gender identity, I decided that it wasn’t worth being miserable any longer.

I came out publicly to my family, friends and school the summer before my freshman year of college in 2015. This was the most terrifying point in my life. I was not only having to decipher who I was, but also assist those in my life with the changes regarding my identity and dealing with the loss, hurt and anger that came along with it.

I fought for a long time about if I could be transgender, but still have feminine interests. It bothered me so much, because I felt that if I could just like working on cars or study engineering, then my life would be so much easier. Instead, I enjoyed volunteering with babies and studying child development. I was convinced that I couldn’t be a man if I enjoyed these passions, and I was prepared to completely abandon them to be who I was meant to be.

It wasn't until my second semester of college that I came to terms with the fact that I was indeed a guy, but that I could still love all those stereotypical feminine interests at the same time.

To this day, I am still the only male Speech Language Pathology major at the University of Science and Arts of Oklahoma. I am one of few guys that I see at Special Olympics events and being involved on a higher level. I am known as “Foster Care Dad”, as I am a volunteer coordinator for child care at foster parent meetings. I am the guy in charge and have been for over three years.

I found that even though I may be one of the few males that are involved in activities like these, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes me stand out. I can be that male role model that some children may be seeking for. I am going to be a great dad. I can prove that diversity is a blessing and that gender doesn’t determine if you are compassionate or aggressive, because passions are found from strong emotional connections, not gender.

It took me years to not only find who I was, but to accept that I didn’t have to abandon my passions in life to do so. I am a man, and a very happy one.

Life

transgender